I'll never take my husband for granted again.

So it's Friday night (almost Saturday morning) at 12:53 am and I'm pretty minserable. Nick is gone until WEDNESDAY and I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to make it. I feel like such a wimp but I've just kind of embraced it - I am. I am an absolute utter wimp. Something about becoming pregnant has made me totally and completely reliant on him.

I intended to do Ashley and Naeem some help today and play with Asher so they could have some alone time but they ended up doing me the most good letting me hang out with them for a few hours so I wasn't too lonely. I was telling Ash about Anne Lamott's book "Operating Instructions" (a great gift from Staceface) and how it gave me a very realistic picture of the first few months of infantland. The picture was so realistic though that I got worried that soon I'd be slamming sweet babe upside the head because he or she was crying too much. That's when Ashley said that she really has a ton of respect for single moms like Annie L., and I started thinking - it's not really respect, it's more like absolute awe. How did my mom do it? How do millions of single moms do it? I actually can't fathom it.

Well here is my opinion. It's all Nick's fault; my depedence problem. It truly is. If he wasn't sooo bent on being such a great husband - maybe I wouldn't be so lost without him. You know - with me - he knows what he's getting. I'm moody, cranky, pretty selfish - working on it all, but for the most part: what you see is what you get. Nick on the other hand, is a fan of the sneak attack. All the time, he wanders around here masquerading to be normal and even maybe a little self absorbed BUT all the while he is secretly serving me. He does it on the sly by actually premeditating my needs and then never complaining while he constantly does what he thinks is God's best for me.

So here's where that leaves me - I'm alone in this big townhouse (1,000 square feet is quite daunting sometimes) trying to remember to lock the doors and windows, getting my own drinks and washing my own plates, and trying to stop missing him. He's just a great, great man. He is funny and caring, he's extremely Christlike, he's reliable and faithful, and I will always feel better when I'm in close proximity to him.

I think I know why Paul said he wishes we would stay single now. Once you cross that barrier and say all your chips are in for one person - life is just hard without them. Flesh of my flesh - more like heart of my heart.
Sorry for the ode to Nick - after the second time I cried to my sister about being lonely tonight, she gave me a list of to-dos to stop missing him. This was on it. Plus, he deserves it.

love.