what a day, what few days....
First and foremost, my aunt Marsha passed away last night - which was extremely bittersweet. It seems like she just came to the know the Lord, but she had a really sweet passing. Her sons (who are college-aged), husband, and immediate family were with her and she told them the morning she died she was sorry for not holding on any longer but she wanted to go be with Jesus. My dad is flying home and we'll be at the visitation and funeral for the next few days. I'm so sad for her sons but after talking with Katie about what loving someone really means, I know it means we have to rejoice when someone gets to be with the Maker before us. Ya'll can be praying for God to use this situation mightily in my family though.
I watched Laguna Beach tonight and just about lost it emotionally. I swear, leave it to me to watch a show about a bunch of bratty girls and get sentimental but watching the finale as they all packed up for college just made me yearn like crazy for my Columbia girls and my mom & sister. Like this week, the girls at Anthropologie have been so sweet and encouraging but I just miss friend time. I went with Kalle, Briana, Stace, and Denise to Boone on Sunday to hike and that was a great glimpse back into girl-time but there's something that will be different from here on out about girl friendships. And let me say undoubtebly that marriage is worth it. Nick is so worth it. But when I think about falling asleep on the couch every night with Meredith, or sitting on the porch with my sister, or laughing till I couldn't breath with Laura - I'm just sad. And more than that, I'm just sad about all the friend goodbyes I've had to say so far and any I'll have to say in the future. Leaving Charlotte after high school or every summer spent apart from my friends or (gulp) the move back to Charlotte and I just think about all the tears shed and I just get sad. God has created this insane love in my heart for people, for family, that I'm not with and I don't know what to do with that. My heart just aches.
So all this has me thinking about heaven - about how life isn't about rest and relaxation or me shopping. If I have to be away from my true 'home' and If I have to wait till the Lord takes me in 2 months or 80 years then I want to make use of that time. But until then, I can't wait till he wipes away all the tears and till I stand in a big group hug with my favorite two hundred people. And in the background we'll hear the angels sing and then we'll worship together FOREVER. I can't wait till heaven.
For now, I'll go kick it with my husband and enjoy the mess out of him. He's a blessing like none other. I love ya'll.
Live it up,
Jess
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2 comments:
girl, i understand the whole friend goodbye thing. its hard but i pray God opens my heart to new people. its seems like im really struggling to let in new ones cause im afraid it means the old ones are out but duh, thats so not how it is. its just a hard process and im right in the middle of it with you.
Jessi sweet-girl, I have always loved your heart and always will. No advice here, since I've been struggling with the whole "other city" thing for 3 years now. I played the "movin on" cd you made me the other day and cried all over again. The only reassurance I can give is that the friendships - the ones that are really of the Lord - get sweeter and sweeter with time, no matter the distance. The contact time may be shorter, but the hugs are tighter, every conversation more real and sometimes a cellphone call can brighten your whole day. Loving you and grieving the loss of Marsha with all of you - inanothercity. In Him, momma
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